Which Way is Home
by Upsgirl88
Summary: This is a Post series Caryl fic that takes place in the future, after the ZA, when the world is almost back to normal. Carol is on a soul searching journey in the tiny East Coast town where she was born. What will she discover? And which way is home?
1. Chapter 1

_I'm walking down the line  
That divides me somewhere in my mind  
On the border line  
Of the edge and where I walk alone…._

_Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Green Day_

She lightly touched the thin bristles to the canvas and watched, in delight, as a bold streak of pink highlighted the sunset sky she was painting. This perfect fall scene would be forever immortalized in living color. The sun looked like a blazing fireball hanging just inches above the horizon, each time she looked up it had sunk lower and before long it would be gone, seemingly engulfed, yet again, by the vast ocean that spread before her.

She inhaled the crisp, refreshing air that was filled with all the wondrous and mysterious odors of the sea and beyond. Licking her lips she could taste the salt that the moist air had deposited on her exposed skin. She gazed out at the endless black waters that contrasted so exquisitely with the vibrant sky above. It was so peaceful just sitting there perched on a stool behind her easel. The only sound was that of the huge waves crashing against the cliffs and rocks at either end of the beach.

Her bare feet sunk into the cool, damp sand as she hopped smoothly off her stool. Unfortunately the scene she was painting was quickly fading away and she needed to capture the essence of it all before it was too late. Grabbing her camera she quickly snapped a picture that she could use to finish, if necessary, but it just wouldn't be the same. No picture could capture the sounds, the smells, and the feel of the breeze that made painting an experience rather than just a simple hobby. She worked quickly, expertly filling in each important detail that desperately called out to her.

As the final exposed rays of sunlight fell away she sat down on the stool once again, suddenly tired but superfluously content. Studying the finished product that was displayed before her filled her with an immense pride. It was so fulfilling not only to reflect on a hard day's work but to have something concrete to show for it. The abstract emotions that accompanied the conclusion to this day only made it that much more satisfying.

Slowly gathering up her supplies and lovingly setting them in a large tote bag her mind drifted back to the first time she had held the palette and feverishly worked her magic. It was during a period of her life that she longed to forget. The freedom she felt as the vision in her mind began to appear before her was an overwhelming relief from the hardship of her life. She would quickly get lost in the fantasy and drift into another world, a world where she was always happy. Unfortunately reality would bite her once again and she would fall hard, back into the miserable journey they called life.

When she had finally been set free from that dark time she was already amidst another. But she wasn't alone, the whole world was involved in the terror. When every breath was focused on survival there was no time for anything but. There were still times though, when she would catch herself staring at a shrub in full bloom or a gushing river and long to capture the wondrous vision.

The family and friends that filled her world in its current state had no idea that she held this talent inside her, it was not something that she had ever shared with anyone. Now here she was miles away from everyone she loved, finally indulging in her greatest passion once again. And after all these years it still affected her exactly the same way. It created a portal of escape that she quickly stepped through with the first stroke of the brush.

Throwing the bag over her shoulder she began to make her first trip back to her shiny black Chevy Trailblazer. Why did she suddenly feel the urge to escape? She wasn't completely sure of the answer to that question but she knew by the time she went back home, to Georgia, she would know exactly what this journey was all about.

A few weeks earlier she had suddenly been gripped with an intense fear that reached all the way to her soul. It seemed like the days were quickly turning to months and the months became years, time was passing before her very eyes, her life was slipping away far too quickly and there was no way to slow it down. She knew that most people came to a similar realization sometime in their midlife. Some would overcome it with ease moving on graciously and other would forever dwell on the past living in regret and denial. It was a vast continuum and she fell somewhere in the middle. It would be hard to overcome but deep inside her heart echoed the encouragement and support that would help her pull through.

Opening the back she placed the tote bag inside and headed back down to the beach to get the painting and easel. The emotional roller coaster she was currently riding was called a mid life crisis by some but she preferred to think of it not as a crisis but as a simple life experience. She had to get away from Atlanta, away from everything that was so overwhelmingly familiar. This small east-coast harbor village was a perfect contrast to the bustling southern city she now called home once again. It was a whole different experience. The pace was soothing and slow. The people were friendly and welcoming but kept their distance, respecting one's need for solitude.

It had been 9 years from the first news report warning the world of a new threat to that very day she was immersed in. It was 5 years since the cure had been discovered and immunizations began. It seemed like a lifetime of rebuilding, yet it also seemed like just yesterday she had been a part of the group who helped get Eugene Porter to D.C. to 'save the world'.

It was strange that after everything ended and the world started to return to normal people gravitated right back to where they came from. Roots run deep. They had been miles from Georgia, but once it was possible to finally go home, safely home, that's exactly where they had gone. Yet here she was, farther away from Atlanta than she had been in more than 40 years.

Of all the spectacular places on the planet that she could have visited why was this place her first and really her only choice? She wasn't ready to consciously think about that, but subconsciously she knew exactly why she was here. This was her birth place and the site of her early childhood, the only part of her life that she'd had a mother. It was a time she certainly could not remember, but she hoped she would feel once again the unconditional love only a mother could provide. Being here at this pivotal moment just felt so right. It had taken a very long time to gather the strength to return and it was so ironic that the moment she was finally able to come back was during one of the weakest times in her life.

After putting the rest of her things in the back she closed the heavy door. She rolled down the pant legs that she'd turned up earlier in the day and slid her sandy feet into a comfortable pair of sandals. Climbing in the car she shut the door and paused for a moment to wistfully say goodbye to the perfect snapshot Mother Nature had provided her with today.

She pulled away and slowly rolled along the narrow roads heading towards the beautiful rustic abode she was renting. So the journey had begun and a spiritual, healing pathway stretched before her. She hadn't the faintest idea where it would take her but Carol Dixon knew she was in for the ride of her life even after everything she had been through already.


	2. Chapter 2

Carol stood the easel up in the middle of the living room and placed her painting on it. She studied her work under the bright lights, noticing a few places here and there that could use a touch up, but all in all she was extremely pleased. She slowly began to wander around the cottage. It was so tasteful and exquisitely decorated and though it wasn't exactly Carol's style she still found it very comforting.

After brewing a steaming mug of coffee Carol stepped out onto the back porch. Like most other homes in this sleepy town she had a perfect view of the ocean. A vibrant full moon had replaced the blazing sun on the horizon. The sky was clear and the millions of twinkling stars and steady glow from the moon made the night seem impossibly bright.

As she sat down on the heavy wooden porch swing she thought about how romantic this moment would be sitting hand in hand with the one she loved, gently rocking back and forth. It wasn't easy to be away from him. It reminded her of a period of time she had been exiled from the group, ripped away from Daryl and the rest of her family. But that had not been her decision. This was. Carol needed time to herself to sort things out. She didn't want to bring him down with her. Not that he would have ever seen it that way. Daryl was nothing but supportive. When she went to him and explained what she needed to do he had trusted her instinct. He offered to come, but when Carol said she had to do it alone Daryl simply hugged her and asked when she was leaving.

This trip was all about finding herself, shining the spotlight on each and every twist and turn until the path was finally strait once again. Carol realized, for her, the only way to do this was to start at the very beginning and take it one step at a time.

The next morning Carol would begin her journey into unfamiliar territory - the first few years of her life. Carol slipped a tiny black and white photograph out of her pocket and gazed at the most beautiful woman she had ever seen. A vision of loveliness stared back at her and tears once again stung her eyes, just like so many times before. It was her mother's face that had elicited these emotions from inside her. The picture of a woman who Carol could not remember had reduced her to tears. Since the moment she first laid eyes on the photo she was curious about the woman but until several months ago Carol never imagined it would be possible to find out who her mother really was or actually visit where she came from.

Daryl had taken her back to her old home to see if there were any personal items still there. She really wanted a photo of Sophia. Carol was very surprised by how much of her home was still intact. The memories it had brought back to her were so overwhelming that she actually had to leave for a few minutes to compose herself. There were flashes of both good and bad. Abuse from Ed. Sophia's room - where she used to read to her before bed. The good hurt so much more than the bad, and it was those memories that left her gasping for air and sobbing in the front yard while Daryl held her tight.

Carol had found a photo of Sophia, several photos actually. And while she was gathering them up and searching for more, she came across the photo she was now holding in her hand. With everything they had been through since the day she left that house with Sophia and Ed, Carol had completely forgotten about the project she had been working on before the world went crazy.

Ed had no idea that she had been secretly putting away money for years, a few dollars here and there that he would never notice. When Carol finally had enough she hired an investigator. Carol was adopted as a child and she wanted to find her birth mother. A mere week or two before the start of the apocalypse the investigator had given Carol the photo and a few details about where she was born. She had tucked the info safely away in a drawer. It was a little peace of mind, but Carol knew, at the time, she would never get to visit her birth town or take her investigation any further. There was the internet and she had looked into everything she could find, but there really wasn't much.

The rediscovery she had made many months ago at her old home was unbelievably surreal and Carol still could not quite grasp the entirety of the situation. It wasn't until just a few short weeks ago when her life was seemingly out of her hands that she realized the magnitude of the treasure she had found. She had a link to her past, she knew her mother's name and where she was from. And she no longer had a possessive man holding her back. There was so much more she could learn, so much more she needed to find out right away.

But the world was a different place. Even though people were working hard to repair it, there were some things that were gone forever. Bits of history forever lost. People who would never be remembered. Places that would never be the same again. People who would never be the same again. That was a huge part of this quest for Carol. She needed to find a sense of normalcy. Carol had no idea how to get back to life and living, instead of just surviving.

The following day she made the arrangements for this trip. And now here she was, striking out, all alone. Carol was trying desperately to put together enough pieces of the puzzle of her life to simply figure out how to live again. She knew that someday in the future she would reflect on the finished product and know that the effort had all been worth it.

Carol had never known normal. As a child she spent time in foster care before she was finally adopted. Her adoptive parents were loving, but they had children of their own too and Carol never felt like she was truly part of the family. When she met Ed her senior year in high school he was charming and she fell in love. Carol thought she had finally found the unconditional love she had been looking for all her life. It wasn't long into their marriage that the abuse started. She just never found the strength to leave him. The next thing she knew she had a beautiful baby girl and she thought she needed Ed to support them both. So Carol protected her baby at her own expense. She swore so many times she was going to leave him, but his threats on her life, Sophia's life… they kept her frozen in place. Then the apocalypse began and the world changed and Carol changed with it. She adapted because she had to. It was a world full of sadness and heartache and loss.

But it was over. And finally… finally she had a chance to be happy. She was with an amazing man who loved her. And this time it was unconditional. Carol knew Daryl would never hurt her, either physically or emotionally. He was her rock, her inspiration, her prince and her best friend. Carol was almost 50 years old and this was her first chance at a regular, easy, peaceful life. But she had no idea how to be typical or ordinary anymore. Some people were able to fall back into that pattern of life where you worked and played and raised your family. But Carol knew none of that. She had to learn though, for him. Daryl hadn't had much of a typical life either, but he deserved that chance every bit as much as she did. Carol had to get herself together and give them both the opportunity to just…. Be.

Spending the day on the beach in quiet solitude had been just what Carol needed. No interruptions, no worries, just her and her paint brush becoming one, as the creative juices that had been locked away were finally freed once again. But she knew the next day might not be so relaxing. Carol was about to attempt to find out more about her mother. Maybe even find out why she had given her up. And maybe… just maybe… the woman who gave birth to her was still alive.

Carol shivered and stepped inside once again. It was late and she was exhausted. She flipped of the lights as she made her way to the bedroom. Snuggled under the heavy blankets Carol felt a sense of satisfaction. For the first time, in what seemed like years, she fell asleep looking forward to the next day.


End file.
